Sometimes there is resentment

Being a mom is hard.  Being a parent is hard.  Being married is hard.  And sometimes resentment sneaks in. Maybe you knew it was there, maybe you didn't and it seems like it came out of nowhere. 

My husband has been out of town this week and it has me thinking a lot about resentment. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but there are times, as a mom, that I can't help but feel resentful.  Not because of any specific thing, just perhaps because of our roles and the way life is.

I'm resentful that he gets to leave.  He gets to go and sleep by himself.  Uninterrupted.  All night.  He gets to go have dinner and drinks with 300 strangers. (Not my ideal night but that's not the point).  He doesn't have to deal with screaming children or poop or brushing teeth or Dora the Explorer for a few days.  Silly as it sounds, sometimes I get really angry about it.

When I get angry, I shut down.  I just don't speak.  Sometimes it's for an evening, sometimes it's for days.  I know that's not healthy and I'm working on it.  But when I get in my head like that, it's a dramatic, perpetual discussion that I can't shut off. Even though I know I should.  It's all I can do to get a word out of my mouth.

So sometimes you have to put the gloves down.
Sometimes you break the silence.
Sometimes you just say, "I don't want to do this anymore."
Not because you want to.
But because somebody has to.
And then you can talk about it.

I think it can be really easy to harbor resentment in marriage.  The hard part is letting it go. And in the words of my favorite author and pastor, Rob Bell, "We're all just figuring it out."